Cutting the Tight Rope

Picture this:  A single line stretched far as the eye can see.   This line is a tight rope, pulled taught across the globe, its incredible distance representing the length of your life.  You are the one to walk across.  One false move, one moment of uncertainty, and there's no saving you.  There are no second chances.  Nothing to hold onto but the hope that you won't make that deadly mistake.

Now picture this:  A humongous playground!   There are slides, swings, climbing walls and jungle gyms, and sandboxes.  And whoa, look over there!  There's even a treehouse!  Of course there's always the possibility of getting hurt.  But even more than that is the invitation for adventure, enticing all five senses to experience the brevity of life!

Which looks more like freedom to you?  Which do you think is a better representation of the life choices we make with God?

In week four we had not one, not two, but three speakers.  Ed and Kay Morales had been staffing our CRS and helping us process the things we'd learned in class.  Philippa Laird was their friend from the Women and Children's Advocacy Center.  All three of them were like deep well springs of life, gushing out depth, experience, and wisdom in even the simplest of sentences.  And getting sprayed with just the lightest mist of their words challenged me to the core.  My heart and mind churned together as my presuppositions and old worldviews collided and dueled with the ideas my speakers presented.

How?  I'll let their words speak for themselves.  Here are some excerpts from class:

---------------QUOTES and DISCUSSION----------------------

"Part of the elements of human nature is that we tend to polarize because it’s easier for us.  We don’t have to think if it’s black and white.  We just accept that what someone told us is black is black and what’s white is white.  It’s part of our nature to choose what’s easier." - Philippa  

"But there are dilemmas in life that don’t have right or wrong answers."  - Ed

"You don’t say to a two year old, 'Do you want to run into the road or…?'

We want clear boundaries.

But the more I follow Jesus, the more I hear Him say, 'What do you want to do?'

It’s much easier to say, 'God told me.' and we don’t have to take responsibility.  I make a decision and things falls apart, so it’s God’s fault ‘cuz He told me." - Philippa

Q:  "How do you find that balance of seeking God, and doing what you’re saying?" 

A:  "There is no balance.  Sorry.  There is no perfect way to make a decision.  There are no formulas for your relationship with God!" - Philippa

"He gave us choices.  He hates atomic robot stuff.  He hates it.  He loves choices.  He loves options.  It’s how He created us.  

I walk over here, and then what?  

He says, 'I love you.  I’ll walk with you.  I’m still here.'  

What if I walk over here?  

He responds, 'It’s the same.  I haven’t changed.  I love you.'  

My life is an experiment, taking chances. We build our lives with God, it’s not a straight line on a contract." 

- Ed

"God’s given you gifting, vulnerabilities and weaknesses.  As that individual He can use you in a multitude of situations and He lets you choose whatever situation that is.  And He doesn’t want to just use you.  He wants to enjoy you and be alongside you." - Philippa

"If you come out of this school with a formula, all doing the same thing, then we’ve failed because you haven’t met with God." - Ed

"God does not have an agenda for your life.  He wants you to discover." - Philippa

Q:  "Would God bless you more in one place than in another?"

A:  "Sounds like a tight rope to me.  An example of split thinking where one is right and one is wrong.  The choice God gives you, He’ll be there no matter what.  It constantly comes back to your perspective of God.  What am I assured of in the nature and character of God?  If you drew a picture of Him, what would He be holding in His hand or waiting for you to do?  The problem with that question is that there isn’t an answer." 

- Ed

Shawn Cothran (a fellow student) commented:  "There are Calvinists that are rigid, but they aren’t fully wrong.  The line works for some people and the line doesn't work for others.  God isn’t different, but He’s bigger than our ideas and thinking.  Some people hate making the choice and are going through being weened off of hearing His voice for every little thing.  But it always always always goes back to talking with the Lord because He wants to do it with us.  If we don’t relate with Him in the choice that we make, we’ve missed the whole point.  Sometimes He may just say, 'Make the choice.'  But the fact that I go to Him every time makes the difference."

"I lived for years believing that if I prayed really hard and fasted forever before I made the decision, that that decision would be blessed.  Somehow as I moved along in life, some of the best choices I made were when I didn’t spend a long time praying.  I’ve spent my life in this wheelchair, and spent years seeking healing.  I had teaching that if I did all this stuff, and had my ducks in a row, it would be good.  And that’s pride.  Now I find myself moving more in humility.  It’s way more tender and relational with Jesus." - Kay

"How do you assess whether something’s in the will of God or not?  They assess the outcome.  Is that real life?  That if I choose God’s will the outcome will always be blessing?  Look at the people who obeyed God in the Bible.  Look at Paul.  Look at Jesus. He got crucified!  How do we assess that we’re doing what’s pleasing to God?  If it’s not the outcomes, what is it?" - Ed

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The impact of this teaching sunk to the depths of me.  And the recent events of my life prove it.

When I first came to do the Children at Risk school, I had multiple motives.  My life mission's statement is to fight for the value and purpose of people, showing them the truth of their identity in Christ.  That includes children.  I feel called to work with women, and when working with women, often times one needs to know how to work with children.  Jesus calls us to the least of these.  What better example of this than the littlest of these - children?  

But more than anything, one of my main motives was to do the outreach.  I wanted to get my hands dirty again.  I wanted to sweat for the Kingdom of God.  I wanted to experience the adrenaline, stress, and day to day battle of life on the field.  I was sick of just sitting and listening and learning about all the ways to reach the world, I wanted to just get out there and do it already!

But as the school went on I got bogged down.  Learning about street kids, the sexually, physically, emotionally abused, HIV+ orphans, little girls that are mutilated to be shown their "rightful place", (the horrifying list goes on) is a heavy load.  It's not fun to research about all the injustices and hardships that little children around the world are tortured with day in and day out.

So I shifted my focus to myself and my personal life.  During the week, all I could think about was how everything applied to me personally, my history, my relationship with God, my upbringing.  I invested myself in class time.  I took avid notes, I asked deeper questions, I volunteered discussion.  But outside of that, I had dropped the ball and allowed myself to be distracted by the swirling thoughts in my head and the "get-away" comforts of the weekends.  And somewhere along the way, I just gave up.  I quit.  My homework got sloppier, less completed, and finally just non-existent.  My work duties became less of a priority and more of an after thought.  And in my one-on-ones, our discussions got less and less about what I was learning in class, and more and more about my personal struggles and lack of focus.  My original motivations were gone now, and I was knee deep in my own muck and mire.

I tried to get back up on my feet.  I strove to meet the school's requirements and fix my inner crud in my own strength, but fell down again and again.  So much gunk had been uprooted from the dark places of my heart and brought to light, that there was no room for anyone else's darkness (like the hurts of the children at risk).

Now what?

"I love you.  I see you.  Come be with Me." He whispered.

"Jesus, look at my scum!  I'm a screw up.  Can You even fix me?"

"No mess you make is too big for Me to fix.  I've got you right here and it's going to be just fine.  Come be with Me."

And with that, He cut my tight rope.

My plans have changed now.  I'm no longer going on outreach and what I will be doing looks totally different from where I thought my life was headed just a few weeks ago.  And that's okay.  He's blessing that.  

But you know what else?  He would have blessed whatever decision I had made.  I know He will come alongside me in any scenario, in any season of life, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Because He loves me, and gives me the freedom to grow, explore, change, fall down, learn and discover.  Like a little kid at the park or on the playground.  

"Can we play on the swings?"

"Unh huh."

"What about the money bars?  Can I try the monkey bars?"

"Sure."

I've traded in my tight rope for a playground and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Planning

  A month ago, I finished my Leadership Training School in which I learned to plan the next 5 years of ministry life.  Even my speaker for this week's teaching understood why I wasn't very excited to sit through another lecture about planning.

"Oh boy.  This will be an interesting week for you, won't it." my speaker Dave Swan responded.

  

But it was!  In the best way possible

Many times I've seen movies and read books (such as Poisonwood Bible) that display the kind of missionaries that barge into a different culture and immediately begin "fixing" things.  One of my biggest nightmares is to do that very same thing.

This week I learned how to avoid that.  The key is asking questions.  Searching out the need.  Hearing it from the source of the people.  Learning the felt needs and the actual needs.

Dave showed us that only after building good relationship with the people, finding the root of the need, getting a wide range of perspectives, and doing your research do you even begin to plan your ministry according to that need.  And the planning of course comes before even the action.

We practiced this in class.  Our leaders pretended to be the people of down town Tijuana, (mothers, children, pastors, police, teachers, social workers, etc.) and we asked strategic questions to hear the cries of the people.

Then and only then did we begin to plan.  And want to know something else?  It was exciting.

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Here's an example of the planning project my group did in class:

El Amor de la Madre - The Mother’s Love

Target group: Mother’s or women actively in the motherly role of the child and their children in Zona Norte.

Brief description:  

Intercession interlinked with a heart to reach mothers and their children. Rent a hotel room hourly in Zona Norte in a different area each week to do intercession and worship. Eventually buy or rent a building in the residential area near Purple Rain as a center for worship and intercession. This would be the main focus for the first year. Once a month run some sort of activity or course for moms and offer childcare for children and also start a community garden. Long term vision is to equip the building with a laundromat with discounted prices, an indoor playground for children and their moms, and a kitchen they can use for cooking meals for their family and each other. The purpose of the Laundromat would be to attract the moms to interact with their children on the playground.  The mothers will come to do their laundry, and as they wait for it to finish, they will be playing with their kids. We would also continue to run classes and support groups for moms.  

Our foundational verses:

Malachi 4:6

He will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents; or else I will come and strike the land with total destruction.” 

- Our focus group

John 1:5

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. 

- We want to be a light in the darkness with our intercession

Our Goal:

To bring the Kingdom of God into the family sphere in Zona Norte, specifically between mothers and their children.  

Or 

To strengthen relationship between mothers and their children in Zona Norte.

Objectives:

To have 3 people prayerfully committed for 2 years to carry the ministry 

- (Structural not really an objective)

To find a location for intercession in Zona Norte within the first month

To have a team of 5-10 consistent people who are committed for one year within first month

In the second 6 months, establish contact with 50 mothers in the community through a range of monthly courses/activities

By the end of the first year, have $1000 a month to rent/lease storefront

- (More for budget not objectives)

Equip 50 women with cooking, cleaning, gardening, and Kingdom based parenting skills over the course of 2 years (goes into the third year)

Women will take ownership of classes and support systems for them and their community

Activities:

To do one hour of intercession a week in various hotels around Zona Norte for the first three months

Create a budget and begin sharing vision with supporters and working on fundraising

To rent a room in the fourth month to use for the rest of the year

Create website describing ministry

Do 5 hours of intercession a week and hold regular 24 hour prayer events (including the local churches)

Hold an open house for families to come and see what we’re doing and join with us

Run monthly courses/activities on hygiene, sewing, cooking, arts and crafts etc. and simultaneously offer childcare and activities for the children.

Have a family game/movie night and tea party

Find a fantastic building to lease

Create main play room

Create laundry area

Create kitchen and community dining area

Create community garden

Continue once a month activities, moving into once a week parenting classes in the second year

Monitoring:

Have a sign in book with the names of mothers, their children and their ages for each time they come

Have the families create a profile with a picture of themselves (hang them on the wall)

Have moms create their own objectives for the progress of their children

Have one-on-one type check-ins or interviews with mom’s about how the child is doing

Go back to original records of interviews and requested needs monthly to see if we’re meeting those needs

Sam eats a pepper

Wrung Out

I set down my backpack, plugged in my laptop, and looked up to observe my speaker for the week.

Steve Bartel.  Pure white beard.  Well used laugh lines.  Deep-welled eyes, filled with wisdom and Jesus' love.  This man had the word "Father" written all over him.

He is known as "Dad" to 4 biological, 3 adopted, and 25 foster kids he and his wife raised within their home.  And to the hundreds of street children he loves every day, he is "Papito Esteban" (Daddy Steve).

"Our Father loves street children and wants them to become His sons and daughters.  He is willing to use us to reach, prepare, and bring them to Him.  The children in turn will love and honor Father, while raising their children to do the same."

Our class soaked in every word as he shared principles, tools and stories from over 25 years of experience and 38 years of a burdened, passion.  By the end of the week I felt like a heavy sponge, begging to be wrung out.  So go ahead.  Squeeze me.

What I soaked up:

• The basis of successful ministry is rooted in knowing God's heart and intention first and faithfully building a foundation in the unseen (intercession, waiting on the Holy Spirit's voice, knowing His goals and desires) before taking action in the seen (buildings, finances, actual ministry).
• Jesus shared His deep, burdened heart for the fatherless with me
• I learned the heart breaking realities of street life, and the horrifying dangers that these young people live out every day.  (Abuse, drugs, homelessness, fatherlessness, addiction, the abuse of sex, gangs)
• The independent, distrusting, and broken mindsets of street children
• The life of sacrifice and commitment it takes to dedicate your life to these little people
• The amazing and successful process Steve's organization takes to raise his kids as sons and daughters of God.
• The power and impact of God's word.
• And more deeply than ever, I saw the redeeming power of the Father heart of God

                                                 Galatians 4:6
Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.”


"Thank You, Abba, for Your deep, intimate, Father's love for us.  Teach us to be Your sons and daughters.  We want to honor You."

Punching Bag

My knuckles were turning white.  I could hear my teeth grinding together.  A temporary wave of satisfaction pulsed through me as the rock I had just kicked soared across the parking lot.

I needed a punching bag and I needed it now.

It was the very first class of our Children At Risk School, and just an hour into the next three months of my life, my heart was already being broken and challenged to the injustices that children face.

Our speaker for the week, Janna Moats, had shown us a video about children with disabilities in Greece.  Rejected and disowned at birth by their society, government, culture, and most of all their parents, these little people are given a life sentence for a crime they cannot not prevent: their existence.

Their punishment?  To be locked in cages, tied to their cots, neglected, unloved, and forgotten until death.  No treatments.  No interaction.  No love.  No life.

What could I do now?  Shed a couple tears, write an emotional journal entry, lift up a short prayer for the benefit of those disabled kids?  Was that all I could do?

No.  I’m here to hear the cries of the helpless, to open my eyes to the victimizing evil, to feel the pain and heartache of the broken.  But most of all—beyond perceiving the need—I'm here to take action, and to do it effectively with perseverance.

So here we go.  I’m listening to my Coach.  I’m studying my target.  I’m strapping on my boxing gloves.  Lemme at ‘im.